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September 25, 2006

The Politically-Correct Gospel: Rev'd Peter Mullen explains why he felt compelled to update the gospels for the modern age

Posted by Peter Mullen

Rev'd Peter Mullen - Rector of St Michael's, Cornhill & Chaplain to the Stock Exchange - explains why he has felt compelled to update the gospels to make them more relevant to the modern age. The Politically-Correct Gospel, published this week by the Social Affairs Unit, is the result.

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John have been read by millions of people throughout the world for 2000 years. In the past they have been a comfort and support to countless men and women. But the time has come for them to be not replaced exactly, but modernised.

The people of Jesus' time were very primitive and rather insensitive and coarse. And it has to be said that, as a man of his time, Jesus shared their attitudes and worldview. So, although he went about doing good and healing all manner of sickness among the people, it is offensive to our more civilised ears to have these people described as cripples, blind, deaf and so on. Therefore, in this new, politically-correct gospel, we have revised these terms and made them more acceptable.

Thus we speak of the differently-abled, the partially-sighted and the hearing- impaired. Similarly, we have dropped all that crude and uneducated talk of lunatics and prefer instead to speak more accurately of bipolar disorder. Frankly all the traditional gospels' descriptions of criminal behaviour were downright disgraceful, and thankfully we now know that what was formerly called crime is really a case of the so-called criminals being victims suffering from various syndromes - such as attention-deficit syndrome for example.

And then we come to the vexed question of the old gospels' attitude towards morality. Good as they are - or rather we must say good as they were - they were extremely un-liberated and judgemental. All that condemnation of adultery for instance when today in our more enlightened times we understand that all forms of human coupling are equally acceptable.

Sin, Judgment and Hell are also concepts which can find no room in a truly modern and progressive gospel. For there is no such thing as sin of course, rather it is a case of different lifestyles. Frankly, again, Jesus condemned self-esteem. Our new gospel celebrates it. It goes without saying that there can be no place for talk of the saved and the damned.

We come next to the problem of the so-called miracle stories of the old gospels. In our enlightened modern times we know of course that miracles do not happen. They are against the reliable findings of science. As Rudolf Bultmann taught:

It is impossible to believe the miracles and the resurrection in an age of electric light and the wireless.
We agree with Professor Bultmann.

So we have represented the so-called miracle stories as acted parables to demonstrate that we should all support fair trade, foreign aid and government-sponsored social work. We have however not been iconoclastic for we have found that, for example, the old tale of Jesus' calming the storm on the lake has much relevance in an age of global warming.

In summary, we have produced a modern, inclusive, accessible, non-elitist gospel non-discriminatory as to gender, disability or lifestyle. We think it is an improvement on the originals. Indeed we know it is the only credible gospel for our progressive, politically-correct modern age.

Rev'd Dr Peter Mullen is Rector of St Michael's, Cornhill & Chaplain to the Stock Exchange. He is the author of The Politically-Correct Gospel.

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This is a parody, right? No one could produce such a morally neutral, relativistic revision without a sense of humor.

Posted by: Forbes Tuttle at October 4, 2006 07:57 PM

“Political Correctness” sounds like enforcing one’s views, the way a gangster would “persuade” his opponent or victim. Maybe because our “great and good” have tried to seize the Kingdom of Heaven by building a Tower of Babble [sic], God has now raised up against us these militant Muslims, who have much more direct methods of enforcing what they believe is politically correct.

Posted by: Robert H. Olley at October 10, 2006 10:03 AM
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