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January 23, 2007

Out, Out, Damn Scot! Christie Davies welcomes the repeal of the Act of Union after three hundred years and the expulsion of an independent Scotland from the UK

Posted by Christie Davies

Christie Davies looks forward to Scottish independence. Needless to say the views expressed here are those of Christie Davies, not those of the Social Affairs Unit, its Trustees, Advisors or Director.

It is just a question of time now before the SNP, the Scottish National Party, the Urdd Ffascist Alban, wins first a majority of the seats and then an absolute majority in the Scottish Parliament. There will follow a referendum on Scottish independence and the Scots will choose by a huge majority to secede completely. Scotland will break away from Britain exactly as Norway did from Sweden, Iceland from Denmark, Slovakia from Czechoslovakia, the Ukraine from Russia and Macedonia from Serbia. We will soon also see an independent Faroes, Flanders, Catalunya and Corsica. Multi-national, multi-ethnic countries and federations are failing everywhere and being replaced by homogeneous nation states based on primordial loyalties and solidarity. The twenty-first century will be the century of the nation-state and Scotland will be the first.

We in England should welcome this. For the last forty years Scotland has been an economic liability to us and a political nuisance, much as the Republic of Ireland was before 1922. Now we can recreate a new and exclusive English nationalism in continuity with that of the reigns of Edward III, Henry V and Elizabeth I. If there were also to be a referendum in England on the ignominious expulsion of Scotland from the Union, it would be agreed unanimously. It is a divorce by consent. The Scots are, and remain to this day, an utterly foreign people, much as the Irish are. A visit to Scotland is always a great pleasure but only in the sense as a visit to Germany with Baedeker and phrase book. Aberdeen is about as British as Bremen, Edinburgh as Reykyavik, Glasgow as Napoli. Nice people but utterly foreign.

Now too we can rewrite British history as English history, though we can retain the name of Britain, ours by right since the time of Boadicea and Caractacus. We can forget about all those murderous Scottish monarchs who preceded James I of England. Indeed they could all be renumbered, James VI of Scotland became James I of England so his Caledonian predecessors must have been James 0, James -1, James -2, James -3 and so back to the beginning.

The Scots have always shown their continued hostility to us by celebrating the Battle of Bannockburn, much as the French revel in Joan of Arc or the Germans in our expulsion from Norway, Dunkirk, and Crete. It is time now to emphasise the crushing English victories at Flodden, Dunbar and Culloden. For Surrey, Nol and Sweet William of Cumberland! These were all decisive moments in our history. Flodden ensured that we would never again be invaded by the chaotic barbarians from the north; England under the Tudors was becoming an effectively administered state. The Battle of Dunbar, when the Scots were

made by the Lord of Hosts as stubble to our swords,
settled the Civil War. Culloden was the point at which, for Britain, global capitalism prevailed over primitive tribalism. Effective government, democracy and a world-wide commercial civilisation are all English inventions, English triumphs, English artefacts hammered onto and against the Scots. England's history was made against Scotland.

Scottish independence augers well for the future of England. For the English economy, it means the loss of a gangrenous toe. Politically it will destroy the Labour Party, a party led by Scots, voted in by Scots and unjustly imposing Scottish policies on us through its Scottish MPs. No more Browns, Cooks and Reids. Whaur's yer noo-found Brutishness now, Gordie Broon? We are British, not Brutish as you insist on pronouncing it. A gentle riddance. It also solves the crisis of the monarchy that will occur on the, hopefully long-deferred, death of our dear Queen. Charles is clearly unfit to succeed in England because of his refusal to be defender of the faith, to be a proper head of the established church. Let Carlos el Verde become King Charles III of Scotland, where he can defend any bloody faith he likes, from the polygamous predestination of the Middle East and James Boswell to organic witchcraft. His sordid divorce is acceptable up there, where they do not believe in the sanctity of marriage and he loves prancing about in a kilt. The English can then choose which member of our royal family will be the next King or Queen, much as they did with William and Mary or George I, when we dumped our Scottish kings.

What happens now to the Scots is not our problem. If they have any sense they will leave the EC and negotiate a bilateral free trade agreement, much as Norway has done; this will give them complete control over their oil and their fish. Orkney and Shetland, though, will leave Scotland and join their Faeroese kinsmen; these Norsemen have always loathed Scotland as "the land of bad grain and greedy ministers" and have nothing in common with their tartan-kilted, Gaelic speaking enemies to the South. One secession begets another.

The Scots should immediately devalue their new currency, both against the pound and the Euro. They can call it the groat. This will enable Scotland to export competitively priced, unsophisticated consumer goods based on cheap labour and not requiring much in the way of skills or education. There will be a corresponding flow of inward investment to what promises to be the economic as well as the cultural Bulgaria of the North. Other countries will obviously want to guard against an influx of poor, uneducated, unskilled, binge-drinking, malkie-wielding migrants from Scotland, necessitating an electric fence and heavily armed border guards on Hadrian's, but everyone will want to snap up property in Scotland, given the favourable exchange rate. Wilderness cottages for green Germans, the Costa Frio north of Peterhead for sauna-wild Finns, weekend homes for Geordies - it all looks good for the local construction industry.

The new divorce settlement will grant sole custody of our Northern Irish child to Scotland and we will make no demands for access. The division of Britain's assets will of course reflect the minuscule, indeed probably negative, contribution made by a subsidised Scotland to their accumulation. A fair solution is that everything in England or overseas should remain English property, together with all military hardware but that Scotland should be responsible for shouldering a substantial part of the National Debt, since it was disproportionately borrowed to fund Scottish projects and policies. Britain's nuclear submarines will move to Milford Haven and provide employment for Pembroke Dock but we will retain sovereign military bases in Scotland, much as we do in Cyprus. Leuchers will become the new Akrotiri, Lewis the new Diego Garcia and, of course we will allow our American allies to share them.

One has to admire the principled way in which the Scottish National Party's MPs at Westminster have refused to vote on questions only affecting England. They have respected our rights and identity; now we must respect theirs. They have exposed the utter hypocrisy of devolution, a sordid device used by the Labour Party to buy off Scottish discontent, while retaining control of England through their Scottish MPs men whom Scottish independence will render, nay reveal to be, foreigners. With independence must come a law that no one who has ever held a seat, or any political office in Scotland can ever enjoy English citizenship, England has been ruled from Brussels and from the Gorbals, ruled in either case by lesser breeds without the common law. Now England will be a nation again; we are free at last.

But, stay, there are sad Welsh orphans plucking at my sleeve and asking,

what is to become of us when Scotland is gone? Are we too to be cast into the outer darkness of Winter North Atlantic?
Fortunately the position of Wales is quite different since the Acts of Union between Wales and England under the Tudors were in fact acts of incorporation, which gave all Welsh people the same rights, status and identity as the English. Wales became a common law country. The Welsh were at the time as happy as the parading Viennese in 1938 and Gleichshaltung followed Anschluss. The Welsh literally and legally became English. Unlike the Scots they came to enjoy full equality: no nonsense about Wales being fobbed off with its own inferior legal and church system as Scotland was to be. That is why Shakespeare's Welsh characters are so full of themselves for they had just become English. Why do you think so many English judges, such as Judge Jeffreys and Archbishops, such as old beardie, have been Welsh?

The English revere the Welsh King Arthur and old King Cole (Coel), and Caractacus (Caradog) the Silurian; Boadicea's (Boudicca) statue stands on the Embankment. The Rolls Royce engines that defended us in the Battle of Britain are named after Myrddin Wyllt, the enchanter. Wullie Wallace was a mere traitor to be execrated and castrated, hung, drawn and quartered and his head put on a pike on London Bridge but a statue was raised by England to Owain Glyndŵr in the middle of World War I, for he had been the morning star of the Tudors. Glyndŵr was an in effect an Englishman, raised at the court of Richard II, who married one of his daughters into the English royal family and another into the Herefordshire gentry.

The Welsh should be offered another referendum on the future of the Welsh Assembly. The Assembly was established on the basis of a tiny majority of votes on a very low poll, as a mere afterthought to the Scottish Parliament. Senydd i'rAlban. Ail wobr i Gymru. It is not a parliament; it has little more significance than a county council. Given a free choice the Welsh would get rid of this refuge for windbags and badger-watchers tomorrow.

With Scotland and Ireland gone and the Welsh Assembly building turned into a multi-storey car-park, the Welsh can once again regain their rightful symbolic position in what will now be called the United Kingdom of Britain, for that is what it is. The Great was only ever put in to flatter the Scots. The dragon will replace the unicorn in the royal coat of arms as it did under the Tudors and we will have a new flag, the cross of St. George with four red dragons, the dragon of Cadwallader, one within each white rectangle. St. George and the Dragon will join in a Hegelian synthesis. Y Ddraig Goch Ddyry Cychwyn.

Christie Davies, a Surrey man, is the author of Dewi the Dragon 2006, a very British fable, and of The Strange Death of Moral Britain 2006 (2004) which ignores the Scots.


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What an ignorant (very long) rant this is. Not so much what side of bed you got out of but which window did you fall through?

Full of inaccuracies and myths that have been exploded by serious journalistic investigation - read 'Scotching the Myth' by George Rosie as first published in Scotland on Sunday and preserved on http://www.alba.org.uk/ see Scotching the Myth on left hand sidebar.

Please feel free to republish your rebuttal after you have read that article. Apologies on behalf of the Scottish people will be greatly appreciated.

Posted by: Grant Thoms at January 24, 2007 01:54 PM
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Entertaining, but mad as a badger, and he can't spell Leuchars.

Totally ignores the massively positive Scots' contribution to his Empire and is clearly affronted at their desire to rid themselves of their chip on their shoulder, and constant whingeing about the English being to blame for everything, by actually standing up and taking some responsibility for themselves.

Posted by: Buchan at January 24, 2007 01:57 PM
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Well, I think it's a brillianet satire of the more wayward English "nationalist" ranters . . . Oh, no, wait: this is serious?! Dear oh dear...

Posted by: timmyhawk at January 24, 2007 04:18 PM
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After looking at the comments, I also read “Scotching the Myth”. So to the English it appears that their money is being siphoned off to Scotland, and the Scots see it as being siphoned off to England. Maybe it is simply disappearing down a Brown Hole.

I wondered at the time of Devolution, was it the Scots making monkeys out of the English, or the English making monkeys out of the Scots? I think the government (and I don’t just mean the present Labour administration, but also the permanent residents of Whitehall and the town halls) are making monkeys out of us all.

Posted by: Robert H. Olley at January 25, 2007 06:54 PM
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What a silly, prejudiced, provincial and faintly embarrassing tirade. How very unctuous of Social Affairs Unit to state that this does not of course represent its views – not good enough; you’ve given space to a grubby bit of non-thinking that falls well below the standards we normally get here. This guy kicks off in laughable fashion, confidently prescribing exactly what the political future holds – always a sign of the mentally indolent that is. We had all this type of predicting nonsense the last time that the SNP were going to sweep all before it. That was in the late 1970s… you must remember, it was a precursor to that woman Margaret Thatcher coming to power, and she really did go-the-nationalist-way didn’t she?!

I’m loath to spend any time on this, but a few relevant references to facts please? Scotland an economic liability for 40 years? So we’re utter economic ignoramuses when it comes to the contribution of North Sea Oil in that period - and the world-class indigenous Scottish Financial services industry; hence the large segment of the Edinburgh population being affluent ex South-East natives).

Murderous Scottish kings that preceded James the Sixth? Has he ever heard of the likes of the Scottish Malcolm or Margaret (yeah, ok I’m being facetious). Like England’s royalty were something civilised and inclined against violence? Methinks this guy has overdosed on too much reading of Macbeth (that was a classic case of English literature subservient to the Establishment, lying about known history and making much use of racial stereotyping). He should spend some time comparing the English Magna Carta (a thieves’ agreement among some robber barons) with Scotland’s truly magnificent Declaration of Abroath (of such a standard it became a keystone document in Europe at the time and subsequently had much influence on, for example, the USA Constitution).

But this guy won’t know anything about that will he, because he has clearly digested (poorly) an Anglo-centric, myopic and incomplete view of the world.

And on this incomplete view of the world - as for his other little quasi-racist lumping in of the Scottish with the pre-independent Irish – he might pay attention to the disproportionate influence that the Irish (compared to the waning ex-Imperial UK) have always subsequently had on the superpower USA. An independent Scotland will replicate such an influence because of the continued strength of ‘kith & kin’ ties such as the Irish have built on.

I suppose that Unionsits can point to this nonsense and say "see, that's the type of little provincials that would run a colection of small-mindedfiefdoms all over Britain if we break up the Union".

Posted by: ted at January 30, 2007 01:28 PM
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I have heard some rants in my time but this takes the biscuit but confirms the general, not specific anti Scottish nature of the Engliish. He clearly was educated at the English school that teaches the crap how the wonderful English subsidice's the world and those starving ungrateful jocks. But just a few basic facts, that even my five year old grandson can work out. The UK treasury collects around £380 billion in tax each year. At the moment the PSBR stands at around £40 billion per year, just as it did in the time of Thatcher. In other words the UK treasury has to borrow around £1 billion per week just to stand still. Scotland contributes around £42 billion per year to the UK treasury. Now under the Barnett formulae Scotland is awarded around £18 billion pounds to run her her own affairs. By the way they are not my figures they are government figures. I do not know how they teach maths in England but 18 from 42 is 24...Work it out. Oil is not taken into consideration as this is classed as a UK asset. The last I heard oil contributed around £6 billion. But it is calculated at the lowest denominator so as not to give the SNP any brownie points. In short you could treble that. So lets make some simple calculations. Suppose England tried to go it alone. First it would not receive the £42 billion in tax from Scotland. Second it would have to add that £42 billion onto the £40 billion PSBR. None of that goes to Scotland. And third it would not receive the oil revenue. Let us leave it £6 billion. That is £88 billion the then English treasury would not receive and would have to raise on it's own. Who is subsidising who. Oh and by the way there is a difference between the 4th largest and 4th richest economy in he world that seems confusing to the English education system. That is why when in opposition English MP's are always on the rant about subsidising the Scots, and how they are going to get rid of them, and be English In power when they are taught how to add one and one together they suddenly become very British

Posted by: Jimmy Dunn at August 11, 2008 10:24 AM
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All these Scottish boasts about their "world class indigenous Scottish financial services industry" look a bit hollow after the fraufulent collapse of all their banks that have been bailed out by English loans. The oil revenue was never Scots. The oil came from British not Scottish waters. They are becoming independant just as their oil is running out.
Also the average of the Scots will soon exceed 60 despite their unhealthy way of life. Scotland is an old-folks home for paupers. Their young people have all left because they know Scotland is finished - MacRats lleaving a sinking barge. Their children will speak English and soon become English. The collapse of the Church of Scotland means they will have the lost vestige of Scottish identity. The European Union has made it clear that they will have to reapply to join. The Spaniards, Belgians and Cypriots will veto their admission. Heavy tariffs will exclude their whiskey. Independence and penury gang tigether. Please Scotland vote for independance

Posted by: Saxon at December 11, 2012 06:58 PM
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